I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
then he tried to convert me to islam
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
