Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
pray to the hookup gods
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