last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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