I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
