sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
