am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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