I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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