im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
