apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dick very happy bro
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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