mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
