he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
