are you still at the devil's house?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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