doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
