Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
