At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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