OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
