you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
