I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
