Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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