Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
