Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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