Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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