I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
