It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
