Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
