I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
