i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
