i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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