Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
