He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
