she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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