I got chris browned last night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
