he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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