I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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