The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
