I wish i was in the wii world.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
