We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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