can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
