so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
