Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
