Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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