I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
