uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
