i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
