you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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