And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
