dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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