dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
