the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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