it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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