I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
