I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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